I only found this site tonight and have spent over an hour on it. But it has stirred up memories.
I was babysitting when I was about 15 watching MTV when a video caught my attention. There was this unbelievable guy with long hair, leather jacket, no shirt with a rat on his shoulder, looking at ME with these amazing eyes that looked directly in my soul.
That was it. From then on I was an INXS fan and I judged all prospective partners by Michael's looks and mannerisms. I recorded every big or little thing on TV about him whether it be a concert, video clip or news snippet and fell in love with him.
Ten years later I was driving home from work - I'm sure it was a saturday but my memory may be wrong, when a brief newsflash shattered my world. I drove home in a daze and listened to the radio for confirmation. It was true.
I'd never had anyone close to me die before.
In shock I listened to all my old INXS and Max Q CD's remembering that one night in Perth at a concert when I alone struggled through the crowd, touched his shoulder with his pale green shirt, then turned back into the crowd knowing I had met ??? my destiny?? my dream? who knows? I was going to meet him one day and fix all his hurts and bring that smile back to his face whenever it dissapeared.
On that horrible day in 97, I kept thinking of all he'd been through recently, even though I didn't know him. Since to my knowledge there was no final note, I wrote my own. Forgive me for this presumption but it was truly how I felt at the time.
*********************************
Forgive me my friends
All we can ever want is happiness. We choose our paths and create ourselves without truly knowing what we are in fact creating.
I worked hard doing the things I needed to do. It may have semed like it was for you but it wasn't. All for my self esteem, pride, love and fulfilment.
But somewhere along the way it got lost. I was caught in the current of other people's wants, forced to limit my moves to suit the destiny of others. My freedom and integrity were compromised.
But money makes the world go round,so I did what I had to do. And adoration felt so good.
But gradually I realised that I had to start living my own life. I wasn't happy and I was wasting too much of my precious life on things that did't matter to my being.
SO I began to live my own priorities. And that didn't always go down so well.
For **** sake, it was my life! Didn't I have the right to do what I wanted with my own life. The things I chose to do and the people I chose to do them with! So much scorn from those it shouldn't concern.
These things get to you. Little by little they wear away any sense of peace you might have.
Well the time has come. I can't do it your way and you're sure as hell not going to let me do it mine. What choice do I have left?
I am sorry for those who genuinely care, but this decision is mine, and no one can twist it around to suit themselves. My choice.
Oh why couldn't you just let me be?
Now you can regret, remorse and finally let me be. Live with it on your conscience and make peace with yourselves. I've made mine.
Goodbye
22/11/97
This was based on my thoughts at the time without the post knowledge of other things occuring in his life. This was my suicide note for surely part of me died that day.
I was babysitting when I was about 15 watching MTV when a video caught my attention. There was this unbelievable guy with long hair, leather jacket, no shirt with a rat on his shoulder, looking at ME with these amazing eyes that looked directly in my soul.
That was it. From then on I was an INXS fan and I judged all prospective partners by Michael's looks and mannerisms. I recorded every big or little thing on TV about him whether it be a concert, video clip or news snippet and fell in love with him.
Ten years later I was driving home from work - I'm sure it was a saturday but my memory may be wrong, when a brief newsflash shattered my world. I drove home in a daze and listened to the radio for confirmation. It was true.
I'd never had anyone close to me die before.
In shock I listened to all my old INXS and Max Q CD's remembering that one night in Perth at a concert when I alone struggled through the crowd, touched his shoulder with his pale green shirt, then turned back into the crowd knowing I had met ??? my destiny?? my dream? who knows? I was going to meet him one day and fix all his hurts and bring that smile back to his face whenever it dissapeared.
On that horrible day in 97, I kept thinking of all he'd been through recently, even though I didn't know him. Since to my knowledge there was no final note, I wrote my own. Forgive me for this presumption but it was truly how I felt at the time.
*********************************
Forgive me my friends
All we can ever want is happiness. We choose our paths and create ourselves without truly knowing what we are in fact creating.
I worked hard doing the things I needed to do. It may have semed like it was for you but it wasn't. All for my self esteem, pride, love and fulfilment.
But somewhere along the way it got lost. I was caught in the current of other people's wants, forced to limit my moves to suit the destiny of others. My freedom and integrity were compromised.
But money makes the world go round,so I did what I had to do. And adoration felt so good.
But gradually I realised that I had to start living my own life. I wasn't happy and I was wasting too much of my precious life on things that did't matter to my being.
SO I began to live my own priorities. And that didn't always go down so well.
For **** sake, it was my life! Didn't I have the right to do what I wanted with my own life. The things I chose to do and the people I chose to do them with! So much scorn from those it shouldn't concern.
These things get to you. Little by little they wear away any sense of peace you might have.
Well the time has come. I can't do it your way and you're sure as hell not going to let me do it mine. What choice do I have left?
I am sorry for those who genuinely care, but this decision is mine, and no one can twist it around to suit themselves. My choice.
Oh why couldn't you just let me be?
Now you can regret, remorse and finally let me be. Live with it on your conscience and make peace with yourselves. I've made mine.
Goodbye
22/11/97
This was based on my thoughts at the time without the post knowledge of other things occuring in his life. This was my suicide note for surely part of me died that day.