It’s not something you ever think is going to happen, especially not to someone like him. He was so very sensitive but at the same time full of life and charisma.
I can only think what happened was one of those things where you suffer emotionally and everything crashes in on you. You become so enraged you want to inflict pain on yourself, the way some people cut themselves. With Michael I think it was like, “Oh God, I’m so sick and tired of this, I want the physical pain to be greater than what I feel inside”. And then fate meant it became more than that.
That’s how I like looking at it anyway. He was very passionate, very emotional, and reacted immediately if something bothered him. I really think it was, in that sense, a mistake. With Michael, in the beginning I couldn’t even cry, because I was so confused and angry. Then it was straight into, “Goddamit, why?” It’s so silly. He still had so much in him. I know he didn’t want to leave his little child like that.
Five days before he died we had one of the best conversations we’d had since we broke up. He was happy, content. He was always so real and honest, it wasn’t like he was going to pretend he was happy if he wasn’t. I’m so glad we had that conversation.
I still talk to his dad and his dad’s wife. They became really good friends with my family, and we’ve been to see them a lot since. What’s keeping them going is to think about all the beautiful things about him, and to try to have some humour, if you can.